Losing him
by Sophia Moon
Summary: Relena is losing Heero, but to whom?


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
LOSING HIM  
  
By Sophia Moon  
  
I lost him. No, of course I didn't lose him. How can one lose a lover one  
never had.  
Not for lack of trying, mind you. For years I tried. He always ran. And the  
harder he ran from me, the more my determination grew. From the moment I saw  
him, I knew he was to be my lover, my husband, the father of my children.  
  
There was no way I would let myself deter from him. He was my destination  
and he knew it. He could point his gun all he wanted, he could say "Omae…"  
as much as he liked: I knew better. He was to be mine.  
  
We would have been the perfect couple. Queen of the world and perfect  
soldier. Poets would have made songs about us, mothers would name their  
children after us. We were a story to be told a thousand times. A perfect  
romance and yet political the most sane choice anyone could make. He was  
prepared to die for a peace he never really could envision and I needed his  
determination beside me.  
  
I didn't came with empty hands. I have a name, influence. I hope I am not  
bragging, but I think I have a fairly bright mind and though I may not be a  
beauty queen, I have no reason to be ashamed of how I look.  
  
I could have given him the softness of my breasts, the fertility of my womb.  
I could have given him pleasant company, because man is not made to be  
alone. I could have given him the joys of fatherhood.  
  
He made love to me once. I managed to convince him that he would never know  
if he really didn't love me, if he never bedded me. So I became his mission  
and he made a thoroughly job of it. After he was done he politely thanked  
for the company and left my room.  
  
Of course I tried to eliminate any competition. I never once seen him  
looking at another woman. No problem there. For a moment I thought that  
quiet boy Trowa had caught his eye. They were in a way good friends. But the  
Winner heir stole the acrobat's heart.  
Duo, now that was more serious. Loud, hyperactive and, I must confess, a  
brave soldier. I believe they even had something going on for some weeks or  
even months. But that Chinese boy took care of Duo. I hope they are really  
happy together. No, really, I wish them all the happiness of the world.  
Especially Duo.  
  
Heero Yuy was to be mine. There was no one else who cared as much about him.  
I could have warmed his heart enough to love me back. And even if that would  
never happen because his heart was simply too frozen, I would have accepted  
that because I had enough love for the two of us. I was prepared to accept  
him as he was. I just wanted him. There was no reason for him to keep  
running from me. A matter of time and we would stand before the altar.  
  
I lost him, though how can I speak of lost if the one I love never loved me  
back? I'm trying to accept the unacceptable, as painful as it might be. And  
the strange, almost funny thing about it all: I thought I could lose him to  
the war, to the cold loneliness of his own heart. I even thought I could  
lose him to some unknown girl that would step out of nowhere or to one of  
the other Gundam pilots.  
  
But never once could I have imagined him as my brother-in -law.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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